Scotty Doesn't Know.... or I don't Know????

Scotty's disappeared... once again.

We were supposed to see each other last night but his best mate just flew in from Ireland and he said he really wanted to see him. Obviously, I understood... and every so often a cozy weekend wrapped up in my dressing gown that has hot pink writing on the back that reads, 'Bite Me...' and watching rom-coms with pot noodle and a face mask on is wondrous. I even painted my toes with my new O.P.I purchase.

But here's the thing... 

Every time he makes plans with this guy he gets buggered around. His friend confirms their plans but then won't answer his phone when Scotty's on his way to meet him.

Apparently the same thing happened last night after another crazy run-in with Scotty's ex-girlfriend.

How weird is this.... his ex not only lives a stone throw away from him but is now also house-sitting Scotty's auntie's place. He claims he didn't know that and so when he went there yesterday to get some soil and fertilizer, he bumped into her and she went bat shit crazy on him. 

When he greeted her she backed away with her hands up and started asking him what he thinks he's doing there.... as though she was frightened of him! It's his auntie's place for goodness sake!?? So he phoned me and had a good old rant about that.

But that's not even the point on the post today...

When Scotty didn't hear back from his pal, he went down to the pub anyway. Let me just add here that we had plans ALL week long to have a cuddly Friday night in together to try and reconnect.... but no. Now he was out to drink even without his friend. What bullshit is that??? 

Whatever though.. I enjoyed a bottle of Merlot on my sofa, in my dressing gown as intended..... and today I have a marvelous headache to prove it...

Scotty is an early bird, even if he's had a mad night boozing it up... but today, I've not heard a peep from him. He always call me in the mornings. 

I sent him a cold message at about 11pm that just read, 'Good night.' I was upset. He always does this to me... goes out drinking over the weekend and forgets about me. I'm sick of it. He's never not contacted me the next morning though.... so now I don't know if he was caught drinking and driving and spent the night in jail... or is just passed out nursing a mean hangover... or maybe even went home with a girl??? All these thoughts are rolling around in my head and I just don't know what to do. 

I suppose I could call him.... but I can be a stubborn little nightmare. 

I just don't want to be waiting around and staring at my phone all day, but I still refuse to contact him first..... relationships are all just one big mind game... aren't they???

The Truth About Scotty

Here's my latest scenario - I wake up after a glorious nights sleep to a phone call from Scotty, wailing about how awful this movie was he watched the previous night. It didn't just stop at, "It was SUCH a rubbish film!" either. Oh no. It went on... and on and on and on! Complaining about politics and racism and all sorts of bollocks that is seriously far too much for me to take in while I'm still blurry-eyed and caffeine-less.

Throw in a handful of the F word and that was the start of my hideous morning. 

It went on... to him calling me throughout the day to tell me how full of farts he was and that his stomach was sore because he couldn't get them out. Marvelous... really what I needed to complete my day. 

I think I gave everyone a bit of a shiny version of Scotty. He isn't the Mr. Perfect you all think he is... but then, no one is are they???

Scotty has a past filled with drugs... cocaine to be specific. He still does it from time to time and that scares me. He drinks every night too - literally his skin tone is red... not olive or tanned or pale... red. It's from the booze. Alcohol has that effect on you after a while. 

He's also quite insensitive. If we're not spending the evening together, he will go out and drink himself silly (THEN DRIVE!!!) but during the time that he is out he doesn't even send me one text. Not one. 
Am I being silly? 
I've never really thought of myself as the nagging type before but honestly, out of your whole evening a text message to let me know that you're OK would take 2 minutes. 

He'd never get violent with me, ever. He still treats me like a Queen but he has his downfalls... and unfortunately, they're big ones. I don't want to be in that lifestyle. Maybe that's one of the reasons I am so smitten with Alex. 

As for Alex... well... the delicious shirtless meetings continue on in the gym after work. It takes every ounce of my concentration to avert my eyes. Thank God I don't think he's noticed my growing fascination with him yet... probably because he hasn't noticed ME yet!

Anyway... so I think he must have been kind of impressed with me in the gym this week because he did text and ask when I'll be going back next week. 

He has also decided to start opening up to me about the breakup with his ex. If you'll remember, she's the bleached blond, sun-bed scorched, anorexic chick with a lollipop head that looks kind of like this (but worse): 

God knows what he EVER saw in her.... 

Anyway, so as most breakups go, it's pretty messy. She's devastated and threatening to 'destroy' him (her words....) Creepy. 

I told him flat out that she sounds like a whiny little brat. Which she is.... #justsaying.

He asked me for advice on what to do because she sent him these seriously crazy text message filled with bitchiness and bitterness. 

My advice was to ignore her. By replying, it only fuels the fire. It is a reaction that she is looking for after all..... 

So as for right now, this is pretty much my roll: 

Shut up, look pretty, listen and advise.

I can do that. 

Oh yeah, I've decided in this blog I'll be Rachel by the way. 

I like to think I look similar to her... and our dress sense pretty much makes us soul sisters. 

OK, so now you know a little bit more about Scotty... now you know the good, the bad and the terrible. 

I didn't share that because I wanted to get you on my side. I shared it because it will help you gain more of an idea as to why my eyes are wondering and why I am questioning my relationship.

If anything, I want this anonymous blog that I am really starting to enjoy to be full of the complete truth. 

Scotty and I have built up so many exciting plans over the past few months of dating and he's already hinted to me that he's been ring shopping. I suppose if he's going to start spending his money on diamonds and a nice tux instead of cocaine then maybe there's a chance... but what if we get married and then he just goes back to his old ways?

Marriage..... I can't believe I'm even talking about that already. I'm going absolutely bonkers.

WHY is life so confusing!? - I wail in a spot-on Rachel Bilson voice.

The Return of Anonymous

Here I am again... curled up on my ginormous leather sofa at home with a plate of marmalade on toast in front of me. I always put the toast back down in the toaster after they first spring back up... just for a few seconds so that it becomes perfect. Do you ever do that?

I'm sipping on a chai tea and decided that today, on this dreary Wednesday spent in my snow white onesie and my hair looking like Hermione Granger's (on a bad day...) that I'd venture back onto this blog. 

See, I haven't felt the need to blog about anything over the past couple of months because for the most part I have been entirely blissed out in this relationship with Scotty.

For those of you who don't know how my blog works, I'll explain it again. T

It is anonymous. This means that there obviously can't be any photographs of the actual people (or me...) on it. Instead, I take a look at the people I blog about and decide which celebrity they most look like. 

My boyfriend, Scotty, is a Ryan Gosling lookalike... or so I like to think. 

Say hi to Scotty everyone!

Things were so great between us - notice how that was in past tense??? 

We're still together - but, as always, a couple of months in, I start to freak out. I must have commitment issues or something. It happens every single time! A few months in and suddenly the blissed out, happy girl I usually am gets replaced by this confused, demented wreck. 

I start noticing the tiniest little thing he does and it drives me up the wall. No one is perfect - but my irritation levels just continue to rise until I literally just cannot stand him anymore... but I stick it out until a big fight erupts and that's my exit strategy. Run away.

That fight hasn't happened yet though - and all of my friends keep on telling what a gem Scotty is... and they're right! He is! The guy would do literally anything to make me happy and he does treat me like gold. If I even try to explain to you the things that annoy me about him or about any of the other guys I've entered into exclusive relationships with, you'd probably laugh at me!

It's like sometimes he does something and I just feel like it's a little bit thick.

Like, what was he thinking when he decided to smack his penis that hard when we were making love and it didn't work??? Granted we'd both had far too much wine and so that made his male bits a bit useless... it happens. But hitting it afterwards so hard that he buckles over in agony?! I guess most girlfriends would find that pretty funny. But not me. 

Perhaps I'm just a heartless, judgmental bitch??

What is wrong with me??? Why can't I ever just be happy and let love in properly??? Are these all symptoms of someone with serious commitment issues? 

Here is where the next issue comes swooping in to make matters worse:

There's a guy. 

A man so gorgeous that is is practically earth-shattering. I kid you not. You take one look at this guy and you get tongue-tied and your jaw just drops open. 

He's a doctor too... and I'm sorry but it should seriously be illegal for a doctor to look like that!!!! 

Dr. Shepherd and Mark Sloan have NOTHING on this guy... I actually can't even think of a celebrity that looks like him because no one would be quite as beautiful. 

He's got this chestnut colored, short hair that he gels up into neat spikes... and crystal clear blue eyes that have the power to stop your heart if they stare at you. 

His lips are full and pink and perfect. His teeth look like they could be in a bloody colgate ad... and his body..... oh my GOD his body.... drool.

He even has a neatly kept beard going on. He is the DEFINITION of what I find attractive in a man. 

I mean, the closest look alike I can think of is Zac Efron.. but honestly, I kind of think of Zac Efron as a little boy.... although I probably wouldn't if he was in my living room right now!! Haha

So... just for the point of this blog... 

Meet Alex:

Anyway... so this guy has just ended a relationship with this bleached blond, sun-bed scorched, anorexic chick with a lollipop head.

So, 'caring me' emailed him to ask how he was holding up. We started chatting a little bit and then decided to meet up for drinks with a whole crowd of people. We've met up about twice now - once with a crowd and once just the two of us where we enjoyed a glass of wine and chatted for ages non stop. It turns out that we have LOADS in common! 

To be honest though, I didn't really pick up any flirty vibes or crazy chemistry... although I wish I had!! 

If anorexic beauticians is what he's into though then I don't stand a chance anyway... but a girl can dream. 

Last night I saw him without his shirt on for the first time.... holy shit. 

It was in the gym after work and he was all sweater and shirtless..... doing these pull ups that could make a girl cry. It was as if angels were singing. 

He barely looked at me though, in my baggy vest and white yoga pants. I was doing these high knee kicks when he finally did look at me and my bun was flaying around idiotically and my white yoga pants were slipping down my ass. Fantastic. I must have looked CHARMING. 

Although, after the gym session I got home and saw that he'd logged onto Facebook and 'liked' my latest profile picture?! 

God knows....

I don't know if he likes me or not. He doesn't really make an effort to get a conversation flowing over text messages in the evenings but maybe he just isn't a phone person - because when we were out having a glass of red wine last week we were laughing and chatting away like mad. 

When it came to hugging goodbye it was a little awkward but we gave each other a little hug and pat on the back...... urgh. I'm such a wreck right now.

I do feel sorry for Scotty... he doesn't deserve this:

I mean of course I still have strong feelings for him and a part of me does hope that it works out and that things get better. When I started dating him (which I was SO happy about!) I went onto the pill again for the first time in years and it has been seriously mucking around with my hormones ever since. They're mental!!!

I'm moody and snappy... this pill isn't good for me at all.. even though it does prevent the premature arrival of a mini-me! 

I want to go off of the pill... it's something I am considering because I was so confident and great before I started taking it. 

Does anyone else ever feel that the pill has this effect on them??

Has anyone else ever suffered with commitment issues? Is that was this is??? 

Please help. 

Do I stick it out with Scotty and just hope that this is just a bump in the road? 

Do I forget about anything ever happening with Alex, because lets face it... he is a God and I am like... not..... 

This is what blogging is all about, right? For us to all help each other, learn, grow, advise and share. 

I'm still new to the blog world but that's what I hope it's like, anyway...

I'll see you all soon, then. 

x