Revenge With A Weed Plant

I'm angry. 

Two days ago Scotty's ex (who lives next door to him,) stomped over to his place and stole back a pot plant that she had given him when they were still together. That's not what I'm angry about, though.

Scotty then decided that it would be a fabulous idea to have a bottle of wine before going over to her place at Midnight, dig the plant out of the pot and plant a weed in its place. No.... I'm not lying. At midnight!!! The fact that he's even going around to her place that late is worrying enough...........

Worst of all, he never told me until last night when I asked him if he'd heard from her since their run in the other day at his Auntie's house. If you want to read what happened at that crazy incident, click HERE. 

When he told me, I was in shock. Why didn't he just tell me from the beginning?! Like, TWO DAYS AGO?!?!? I'm honestly not comfortable with the fact that she lives so close. It's a lot to deal with and on top of that she's got all the same friends as him, works as a waitress in ALL of the cafes we want to go to for breakfast, she ALSO works for his Auntie in her gardening center and has basically just weaseled her way into every part of his life. 

Obviously, she noticed the weed plant and came knocking on his door. 

It all just seems like a tennis match of childishness and immaturity to me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable.

I got angry and turned my back on him in bed last night - then he got angry with me for being upset! He got so defensive and said, 'this is why I didn't tell you in the first place!'

If your boyfriend did something like that wouldn't you be upset? 

How would you handle it? 

Decisions, Decisions....

I really want to take a moment to thank each and every one of you who have followed my blog lately and taken the time to leave such sweet comments on my posts. 

The best is that so many of you are reminded of a tv show when you read my posts and that was the whole idea behind it! 

So a big thank you to you all for all of your love and support with my newbie blog: Mystery Blogger.

So my weekly gym perv-session of a shirtless Alex was cancelled without warning yesterday. Oh, he was there alright... he was there in the gym, fully clothed however (damnit) in a gorgeous vest and some shorts. Phwoar. He really does just keep on getting sexier and sexier. 

Turns out he'd worked out an hour before me yesterday so when I got there at 6pm, he was finished. But, instead of scarpering off home to put his beautiful body in the shower, he stayed and helped my group of gym fanatics out. 

He encouraged us while we did our squats and push-ups and he cheered us on. I like to think he paid extra attention to me... he probably didn't though. 

Of course, gym is the sexiest place for a guy yet the least flattering for a woman. 

Why is it that a sweaty man makes you weak at the knees but a sweaty woman is just repulsive???

With shaky knees and wobbly arms, I got through my workout with a delightful layer of sweat caked over my forehead. Funnily enough though, I didn't feel shy or embarrassed about it in front of him... This only confirms that yes, Sonia, his farts really do smell like roses. 

After the intense workout he sauntered over to me and asked if I had some water... most likely because I looked like I was half dying as I sprawled out across the filthy gym floor like a starfish. Like I said... attractive. 

I shook my head and gasped for air - next thing I know he is bringing me over his flask of fresh rain water and letting take a sip. 

Can everyone just say, 'Awwwww,' right now????  

Anyway so gym drew to a close and I said goodbye to everyone before heading home. 

Much later in the evening I received a text message from Alex - and this time it was nothing to do with his bimbo ex, Marissa whose Facebook is FILLED with all of these disgusting images showing off how skeletal she is.

Nope.... he didn't text me for advice about her this time. I could have actually burst with happiness at the message. It was just a short and sweet text saying well done and that I did very well in gym today! 

Now, this is usually where I go overboard and scare the poor guy away by jumping in with both feet. Thankfully, I've learnt that doesn't work now... so instead, I played it cool! 

I thanked him and told him how much I am loving the gym and enjoying getting to know all the people there. I said that so that he knows it's not just about him. Which it isn't. As I've said before, I'm very hopeful that this gym crowd could actually turn into a proper friendship group for me. 

There's more to it than just a boy.

Anyway, so I think I've mentioned before that so far Alex doesn't seem to be very chatty over texts but last night our conversation actually escalated beyond the small talk. 

When I'd gone into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed, I found my dog fast asleep in the shower (obviously there was no water coming out of the nozzle or anything..) but it was so cute that I had to take a photograph. 

Alex loves dogs. He has two of his own so I thought I'd send him an image in the hopes that it would a. make him smile and b. get him to notice that I love dogs too. 

Am I really weird??? Probably.... but hey, if you don't try, you'll never know. 

After I sent him the photo he messaged me back asking what my dogs name was! A conversation starter! We ended up speaking about dogs for a while over text messages and that's when he said something that made my entire day.... 

He said: "All I know is that any dog that lands up with you as an owner is extremely lucky!"

I was ecstatic after reading that and swiftly wished him sweet dreams before shutting my phone off for the evening. 

My cheeks are actually sore from smiling so much - he was so sweet yesterday but in the subtlest of ways that make it so difficult for me to gauge whether its just friendly or whether he may actually maybe like me. 

Now onto the Scotty business.....

Corinne asked whether I have forgiven him for being a dick the other night - and the truth is, no. No I haven't. We've kissed and made up and it's over with now - but I am disappointed in him. I'm tired of him always acting like he wears the pants in our relationship. This isn't the 18th century. A relationship should be equal shouldn't it!?

I feel like I continually dote on him and drop all my plans for him if he asks me to but I don't get the same in return. He does what he wants and prances around like he owns the place and I'm sick of it. It's like his plans and his friends and his life comes first.

But then he has his moments where he's incredibly sweet and shows me the Scotty that I fell in love with in the first place... like holding my hand while I was at the gynecologist and buying me the prescription medicine to fix my vagina and making me a sandwich for lunch. He really does have his moments. 

So he's not the most sensitive guy or romantic and thoughtful... and he might have some major fall-backs and quite a few habits that I find incredibly unattractive but somewhere beneath all of that is the guy I did see something in a few short months ago.... and honestly, until I know that Alex either has some sort of romantic feelings towards me or doesn't (which will seriously suck!) then I don't want to make any quick decisions. 

The other thing is that my dad adores Scotty. This is like a revelation because honestly, my dad has always hated ALL of my boyfriends. Scotty is the first guy that has gotten his approval and that means the world to me. I am such a daddy's girl... 

If anything ever ended up happening between Alex and I, I'd be freaking out about him meeting my parents because Alex doesn't drink. Alex doesn't smoke. Alex is like... perfect.... and my parents are raging alcoholics and smoke like chimneys. 

Alex would probably feel so out of sorts if he were to ever meet them and I'd be ashamed and embarrassed by my parents awful lifestyle and behavior. 

URGH!!!! Decisions, decisions!!!

My Breakthrough with Alex (Oh... and I Don't Have A Broken Vagina!)

It's thrush. Good old thrush. Phewwww..... I'm not dying.

Why did I get thrush? Well.. because recently I got kicked down by a really nasty cold and had to take anti-biotics for it. Turns out that taking anti-biotics can cause thrush in woman. 

Now I'm back on anti-biotics to cure it!! Can you see the pattern here???? Hmmm.. anyway. 

Fantastic being a woman, isn't it??? We're such complicated creatures!

Anyway - so now that I've been poked and prodded by condom covered ultra-sound devices that look like petrifying dildo's, pregnancy and miscarriages were eliminated as well as my over-reaction that I may possibly be bleeding to death internally and a ginormous slice of my salary has been stolen from me... this blog can carry on back to normal. 

I have got to share with you my news about Alex!!!

Let me start from the beginning:

After Scotty decided to disappear on me once again and go out drinking (which he then apologized for after 12pm the next day saying that he had no signal on his phone until then!!! Really?! Convenient....) I got pissed off and decided not to see him for the weekend. It just happens far too regularly for me, you know? 

I was planning on just staying in with a good book and relaxing in my slippers and onsie:

Buuuuuuut then Alex invited me over to his place for a dinner party! I know, right!?

When I asked who else was coming he said that it was the personal trainer from gym and his French girlfriend.

Double date!?!? He may not have said it but I was thinking it. 

Of course I jumped at the chance. I was cross with Scotty and even though I am painfully attracted to Alex, I also do feel like I could finally be forming a proper friendship group. I've never really had one of those... it's always just been me. I don't have a 'click' or a 'group.' So this could be the start of something much more beneficial for me as a person! 

I bounded over to Waitrose and gathered up salad supplies after dabbing on some makeup and dressing 'down.' I'd opted for a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a black vest, a white hoodie and some white sandals. I didn't want it to seem like I'd dressed up for him, you know? 

When I got to his place, which is situated right out in the forest on a farm with rolling green hills and a valley of paddocks along the side of the dirt road.. I met his mother! She is an incredible woman and she actually stayed and ate dinner with us. 

After a trio of salads (remember we are all gym bunnies here....) we watched one of the best movies I think I have ever seen: 

The Interview. 

Watching a movie wouldn't really have been my first choice. I'm much more of an interactive person and would have preferred if the four of us had played a board game or something... but it was a seriously great film!

But when you watch a movie next to the guy you have the hots for - it can be really awkward! I didn't know how to sit, what the safe distance between us would be, what to do with my hands and arms..... so eventually I just sort of slumped down in this sofa that could have gobbled me up it was so soft and I crossed my arms over my stomach so that it almost looked like I was sulking!!! But I didn't know what else to do!

The WHOLE movie Alex was on his phone next to me texting someone and I couldn't help but get super annoyed with it. Why did he invited ME to this dinner and movie night if he was going to be sitting there texting some other girl the whole time???

But eventually he showed me, the personal trainer and the personal trainers French girlfriend a picture of this battered up guy who was in the hospital. Turns out the other staff on call in the hospital that night were messaging him pictures of this guys x-rays.

So I needn't have got upset. 

Once or twice I did think he may just reach out and touch my leg or my hand but he didn't and I am actually grateful for that. 

I would have wanted to hold his hand back but cheating is something I don't agree with so I wouldn't want to do that until things with Scotty have been sorted out. 

Plus.. with this whole thrush thing, Scotty has been so lovely about it. He drove me to the gynecologist and even brought me lunch AND paid for the medicine. He really does try sometimes. 

OK.... so at least I know what the hell is going on with my lady business now. 

And as for the Scotty / Alex situation... well, that's the ongoing tale that makes this blog what it is. 

I'm glad today is nearly over. It's definitely been testing.

Tomorrow is a new day and I get to see a very sexy shirtless Alex in the gym for an hour or two - but then I have Scotty over for dinner. 

Hmmmm... life aint so bad... (even with thrush). 

Lady Problems.......

Hey Bloggers... 

You know you get those days where EVERYTHING just goes wrong? 

A literal bad hair day....??

Well... that's today.

So, although I have so much to tell you on the Alex and Scotty front... today's post is going to be about something completely different. 

I'm having some girl problems and need to know if any of you have been through anything similar. 

After Scotty and I became official, I went onto 'The Pill.' Qlaira to be exact. It all seemed great at first - my periods were regular and came when they were supposed to. It all seemed to be working out... 

But now I've been taking it for about 5 months and this month I've had breakthrough bleeding twice. Well, that's what my mother said that it is anyway. 

It's like brown, old blood and it isn't heavy like a normal period. 

My period isn't due for another week and a half...? 

To top it all off, my libido has taken a serious plummet which might just be because of the whole Alex / Scotty dilemma????? 

I could tell Scotty was feeling really upset about the fact that we hadn't had sex for about two weeks though so this morning we did..... 

STRAIGHT afterwards, my vagina went all swollen.. like, BADLY swollen. It's happened before and I was treated for thrush. But although the swelling is exactly the same as last time (maybe even worse!), Scotty didn't get it. Last time he was also swollen up and it was quite mortifying. It took us AGES to get back to normal with more anti-biotic prescriptions than I can count!! 

He's fine this time. It's only me that looks like my privates have exploded. 

What the hell is this!?!? 

I'm not like.. pregnant or miscarrying or something am I?!? I'm just assuming the worst. 

Are these symptoms of thrush? Symptoms of pregnancy? Symptoms of a miscarriage??? 

Have any of you been through this??

I mean I am freaking out so much that when I went to the chemist this morning I had a nervous breakdown in the middle of the store!!!

I have booked an appointment with the gynecologist which is in an hours time but I just thought I'd share it with you all because maybe some of you have been through something similar...? Or maybe you will in the future... and maybe somehow this post can help us women figure out our delicate lady bits!!

Scotty Doesn't Know.... or I don't Know????

Scotty's disappeared... once again.

We were supposed to see each other last night but his best mate just flew in from Ireland and he said he really wanted to see him. Obviously, I understood... and every so often a cozy weekend wrapped up in my dressing gown that has hot pink writing on the back that reads, 'Bite Me...' and watching rom-coms with pot noodle and a face mask on is wondrous. I even painted my toes with my new O.P.I purchase.

But here's the thing... 

Every time he makes plans with this guy he gets buggered around. His friend confirms their plans but then won't answer his phone when Scotty's on his way to meet him.

Apparently the same thing happened last night after another crazy run-in with Scotty's ex-girlfriend.

How weird is this.... his ex not only lives a stone throw away from him but is now also house-sitting Scotty's auntie's place. He claims he didn't know that and so when he went there yesterday to get some soil and fertilizer, he bumped into her and she went bat shit crazy on him. 

When he greeted her she backed away with her hands up and started asking him what he thinks he's doing there.... as though she was frightened of him! It's his auntie's place for goodness sake!?? So he phoned me and had a good old rant about that.

But that's not even the point on the post today...

When Scotty didn't hear back from his pal, he went down to the pub anyway. Let me just add here that we had plans ALL week long to have a cuddly Friday night in together to try and reconnect.... but no. Now he was out to drink even without his friend. What bullshit is that??? 

Whatever though.. I enjoyed a bottle of Merlot on my sofa, in my dressing gown as intended..... and today I have a marvelous headache to prove it...

Scotty is an early bird, even if he's had a mad night boozing it up... but today, I've not heard a peep from him. He always call me in the mornings. 

I sent him a cold message at about 11pm that just read, 'Good night.' I was upset. He always does this to me... goes out drinking over the weekend and forgets about me. I'm sick of it. He's never not contacted me the next morning though.... so now I don't know if he was caught drinking and driving and spent the night in jail... or is just passed out nursing a mean hangover... or maybe even went home with a girl??? All these thoughts are rolling around in my head and I just don't know what to do. 

I suppose I could call him.... but I can be a stubborn little nightmare. 

I just don't want to be waiting around and staring at my phone all day, but I still refuse to contact him first..... relationships are all just one big mind game... aren't they???

The Truth About Scotty

Here's my latest scenario - I wake up after a glorious nights sleep to a phone call from Scotty, wailing about how awful this movie was he watched the previous night. It didn't just stop at, "It was SUCH a rubbish film!" either. Oh no. It went on... and on and on and on! Complaining about politics and racism and all sorts of bollocks that is seriously far too much for me to take in while I'm still blurry-eyed and caffeine-less.

Throw in a handful of the F word and that was the start of my hideous morning. 

It went on... to him calling me throughout the day to tell me how full of farts he was and that his stomach was sore because he couldn't get them out. Marvelous... really what I needed to complete my day. 

I think I gave everyone a bit of a shiny version of Scotty. He isn't the Mr. Perfect you all think he is... but then, no one is are they???

Scotty has a past filled with drugs... cocaine to be specific. He still does it from time to time and that scares me. He drinks every night too - literally his skin tone is red... not olive or tanned or pale... red. It's from the booze. Alcohol has that effect on you after a while. 

He's also quite insensitive. If we're not spending the evening together, he will go out and drink himself silly (THEN DRIVE!!!) but during the time that he is out he doesn't even send me one text. Not one. 
Am I being silly? 
I've never really thought of myself as the nagging type before but honestly, out of your whole evening a text message to let me know that you're OK would take 2 minutes. 

He'd never get violent with me, ever. He still treats me like a Queen but he has his downfalls... and unfortunately, they're big ones. I don't want to be in that lifestyle. Maybe that's one of the reasons I am so smitten with Alex. 

As for Alex... well... the delicious shirtless meetings continue on in the gym after work. It takes every ounce of my concentration to avert my eyes. Thank God I don't think he's noticed my growing fascination with him yet... probably because he hasn't noticed ME yet!

Anyway... so I think he must have been kind of impressed with me in the gym this week because he did text and ask when I'll be going back next week. 

He has also decided to start opening up to me about the breakup with his ex. If you'll remember, she's the bleached blond, sun-bed scorched, anorexic chick with a lollipop head that looks kind of like this (but worse): 

God knows what he EVER saw in her.... 

Anyway, so as most breakups go, it's pretty messy. She's devastated and threatening to 'destroy' him (her words....) Creepy. 

I told him flat out that she sounds like a whiny little brat. Which she is.... #justsaying.

He asked me for advice on what to do because she sent him these seriously crazy text message filled with bitchiness and bitterness. 

My advice was to ignore her. By replying, it only fuels the fire. It is a reaction that she is looking for after all..... 

So as for right now, this is pretty much my roll: 

Shut up, look pretty, listen and advise.

I can do that. 

Oh yeah, I've decided in this blog I'll be Rachel by the way. 

I like to think I look similar to her... and our dress sense pretty much makes us soul sisters. 

OK, so now you know a little bit more about Scotty... now you know the good, the bad and the terrible. 

I didn't share that because I wanted to get you on my side. I shared it because it will help you gain more of an idea as to why my eyes are wondering and why I am questioning my relationship.

If anything, I want this anonymous blog that I am really starting to enjoy to be full of the complete truth. 

Scotty and I have built up so many exciting plans over the past few months of dating and he's already hinted to me that he's been ring shopping. I suppose if he's going to start spending his money on diamonds and a nice tux instead of cocaine then maybe there's a chance... but what if we get married and then he just goes back to his old ways?

Marriage..... I can't believe I'm even talking about that already. I'm going absolutely bonkers.

WHY is life so confusing!? - I wail in a spot-on Rachel Bilson voice.

The Return of Anonymous

Here I am again... curled up on my ginormous leather sofa at home with a plate of marmalade on toast in front of me. I always put the toast back down in the toaster after they first spring back up... just for a few seconds so that it becomes perfect. Do you ever do that?

I'm sipping on a chai tea and decided that today, on this dreary Wednesday spent in my snow white onesie and my hair looking like Hermione Granger's (on a bad day...) that I'd venture back onto this blog. 

See, I haven't felt the need to blog about anything over the past couple of months because for the most part I have been entirely blissed out in this relationship with Scotty.

For those of you who don't know how my blog works, I'll explain it again. T

It is anonymous. This means that there obviously can't be any photographs of the actual people (or me...) on it. Instead, I take a look at the people I blog about and decide which celebrity they most look like. 

My boyfriend, Scotty, is a Ryan Gosling lookalike... or so I like to think. 

Say hi to Scotty everyone!

Things were so great between us - notice how that was in past tense??? 

We're still together - but, as always, a couple of months in, I start to freak out. I must have commitment issues or something. It happens every single time! A few months in and suddenly the blissed out, happy girl I usually am gets replaced by this confused, demented wreck. 

I start noticing the tiniest little thing he does and it drives me up the wall. No one is perfect - but my irritation levels just continue to rise until I literally just cannot stand him anymore... but I stick it out until a big fight erupts and that's my exit strategy. Run away.

That fight hasn't happened yet though - and all of my friends keep on telling what a gem Scotty is... and they're right! He is! The guy would do literally anything to make me happy and he does treat me like gold. If I even try to explain to you the things that annoy me about him or about any of the other guys I've entered into exclusive relationships with, you'd probably laugh at me!

It's like sometimes he does something and I just feel like it's a little bit thick.

Like, what was he thinking when he decided to smack his penis that hard when we were making love and it didn't work??? Granted we'd both had far too much wine and so that made his male bits a bit useless... it happens. But hitting it afterwards so hard that he buckles over in agony?! I guess most girlfriends would find that pretty funny. But not me. 

Perhaps I'm just a heartless, judgmental bitch??

What is wrong with me??? Why can't I ever just be happy and let love in properly??? Are these all symptoms of someone with serious commitment issues? 

Here is where the next issue comes swooping in to make matters worse:

There's a guy. 

A man so gorgeous that is is practically earth-shattering. I kid you not. You take one look at this guy and you get tongue-tied and your jaw just drops open. 

He's a doctor too... and I'm sorry but it should seriously be illegal for a doctor to look like that!!!! 

Dr. Shepherd and Mark Sloan have NOTHING on this guy... I actually can't even think of a celebrity that looks like him because no one would be quite as beautiful. 

He's got this chestnut colored, short hair that he gels up into neat spikes... and crystal clear blue eyes that have the power to stop your heart if they stare at you. 

His lips are full and pink and perfect. His teeth look like they could be in a bloody colgate ad... and his body..... oh my GOD his body.... drool.

He even has a neatly kept beard going on. He is the DEFINITION of what I find attractive in a man. 

I mean, the closest look alike I can think of is Zac Efron.. but honestly, I kind of think of Zac Efron as a little boy.... although I probably wouldn't if he was in my living room right now!! Haha

So... just for the point of this blog... 

Meet Alex:

Anyway... so this guy has just ended a relationship with this bleached blond, sun-bed scorched, anorexic chick with a lollipop head.

So, 'caring me' emailed him to ask how he was holding up. We started chatting a little bit and then decided to meet up for drinks with a whole crowd of people. We've met up about twice now - once with a crowd and once just the two of us where we enjoyed a glass of wine and chatted for ages non stop. It turns out that we have LOADS in common! 

To be honest though, I didn't really pick up any flirty vibes or crazy chemistry... although I wish I had!! 

If anorexic beauticians is what he's into though then I don't stand a chance anyway... but a girl can dream. 

Last night I saw him without his shirt on for the first time.... holy shit. 

It was in the gym after work and he was all sweater and shirtless..... doing these pull ups that could make a girl cry. It was as if angels were singing. 

He barely looked at me though, in my baggy vest and white yoga pants. I was doing these high knee kicks when he finally did look at me and my bun was flaying around idiotically and my white yoga pants were slipping down my ass. Fantastic. I must have looked CHARMING. 

Although, after the gym session I got home and saw that he'd logged onto Facebook and 'liked' my latest profile picture?! 

God knows....

I don't know if he likes me or not. He doesn't really make an effort to get a conversation flowing over text messages in the evenings but maybe he just isn't a phone person - because when we were out having a glass of red wine last week we were laughing and chatting away like mad. 

When it came to hugging goodbye it was a little awkward but we gave each other a little hug and pat on the back...... urgh. I'm such a wreck right now.

I do feel sorry for Scotty... he doesn't deserve this:

I mean of course I still have strong feelings for him and a part of me does hope that it works out and that things get better. When I started dating him (which I was SO happy about!) I went onto the pill again for the first time in years and it has been seriously mucking around with my hormones ever since. They're mental!!!

I'm moody and snappy... this pill isn't good for me at all.. even though it does prevent the premature arrival of a mini-me! 

I want to go off of the pill... it's something I am considering because I was so confident and great before I started taking it. 

Does anyone else ever feel that the pill has this effect on them??

Has anyone else ever suffered with commitment issues? Is that was this is??? 

Please help. 

Do I stick it out with Scotty and just hope that this is just a bump in the road? 

Do I forget about anything ever happening with Alex, because lets face it... he is a God and I am like... not..... 

This is what blogging is all about, right? For us to all help each other, learn, grow, advise and share. 

I'm still new to the blog world but that's what I hope it's like, anyway...

I'll see you all soon, then. 

x