Who Am I

Today is the start of a new month. I didn't even know that until I logged onto Facebook this morning and saw my news-feed flooded with 'Happy September!' status'.

I've decided to start a fresh journal today to commemorate the first of the month. 

An online one. 

One without dates and limitations of just one page per entry like your usual yearly diary has. 

It's just so much pressure to write every day, especially when some days there's really not anything to say. It's disenchanting to see a bunch of blank pages between dates. 

So here's to a fresh, new start!

Today was good, I guess. 

See, I've started seeing this guy called Jared... but I've been warned that he's a bit of a player. Okay, not exactly just 'a bit.' Someone literally called him 'The Terminator.' It makes me nervous... but I'm one to talk though. I mean he went away this past weekend so I went out on the town and ended up hooking up with a friend of mine, Seth. 

It just sort of happened! 

One minute we were all on the dance floor and the next his face was right next to mine and he had his slithery tongue down my throat! Urgh. I then spent the rest of the night wallowing in self-pity. Especially when he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to have sex? I'll put a condom on!" (to which I just laughed at and called it a night... thank GOD). 

At the same time though I feel silly for feeling guilty about the whole thing. 

Jared said he wants to ask me to be his girlfriend but not yet; he said he needs to take things slow. What's that supposed to even mean? It's already been about a month. So technically I'm still single. Joy. 

And for all I know he was doing much worse than what I was this past weekend while he was gallivanting around in another town. 

Jared and I started out really nicely but now I'm just not sure. There doesn't seem to be that sexual 'spark.' Maybe it's because I'm overthinking it... I am just so ready to be involved and share my heart with someone.

I guess I just need to find that someone. 

PS: 

Who am I? 

Well... 

I'm still trying to figure that one out for myself.