Last night I met up with Alex.
It literally looked like a bomb went off in my closet with all of my clothes strewn around the place! I tried on every combination of shirts, shorts, peplum tops, turtle-necks, skirts and vests possible and strutted around in front of my full length mirror clutching onto a chilled glass of dry white wine to calm my nerves.
But I finally settled on a little black dress. I looked good! Even I won't be shy to admit that. I made a big effort with my outfit, my hair and my makeup - and it didn't go unnoticed. He told me that I looked beautiful! Blush.
I ordered wine, sushi and edamame beans. My usual at a seafood restaurant on the water.
Alex opted for something non-alcoholic... because he doesn't drink... love it!! And some fishy main with veggies.
We chatted for AGES - I actually honestly couldn't shut up!
Then, the inevitable happened... he asked me to tell him about the guy that I met at the concert (a.k.a him!!!).
I turned bright red and downright refused, shaking my head and looking anywhere else but at him.
I don't really know how we stumbled our way into the rest of the conversation but we did end up discussing the fact that we kind of like each other.
He said things like a girl like me doesn't come around often in a town like we're in and that I'm smart and funny etc.... He said so many nice things - I'm easy on the eye and blah blah blah... but also mentioned that he is 10 years older than me and he worries that we are in different stages of our lives. He is wanting to settle down soon and he wanted to know where I stood and what it is that I want right now.... so it was all very mature and to the point.
He then said that he'd like us to continue to hang out as friends and if something does happen between us, he'd like it to be slow. He lost his dad about a year ago and still has a lot he needs to deal with so I completely understand he needs things to go slowly.
So we're friends - with obvious 'crushes' on each other.
We actually have plans again over the weekend. He's house-sitting for his mum and has invited me over to watch movies and cook curry. As friends. He said that I can stay in the spare room. He's got such high morals that I really think that would be exactly what happens.
He's a good guy.
A good guy that now knows that I exist.
Now let's move on to Scotty - a couple of you awesome readers (Corinne & Anshul in particular!) have been intrigued and asking what is happening there.
OH MY GOD.....
This past Sunday he came over and asked my dad for his blessing to marry me. And do you know what my dad said? Yes!
I didn't know about this at all and the next thing I know my entire family is smiling at me like idiots while Scotty suddenly said he wanted to take me up to this gorgeous view point.
Instantly my heart started thundering in my chest. I could feel the pulse fast and hard in my neck as we walked to the view point. In my mind I just kept repeating, 'Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!'
He didn't propose. He just wanted to cuddle and look at the view. Phew. Major coincidence!!!
When we got back to the house my mum dragged me aside and hissed into my ear, 'So did he do it!?!' and I knew exactly what she was talking about.
He told my dad when he is going to be proposing but my dad won't tell me!!
I need to end things.... to be able to continue this thing with Alex.... but I don't know how.
How do you end things with someone who is suicidal and emotionally unstable??? How do you break someones heart???? He's so happy with me... God knows why! He's ready to pop the question and make me his wife.
I really don't know what to do! Please help me....
As for Alex.... I really don't know what is going to happen there.
I don't know if he really likes me enough to make a proper move.
I don't KNOW if this Whitney girl is a threat or not. He says that she is just a friend but on Facebook they really do seem like more. But I'm too proud to ask.
He has a lot to deal with before he'll be ready to be in a relationship and you know what? That suits me perfectly because I still have Scotty to deal with and a whole bunch of my own crap.
Just once I wish things were easier.